If I deuces so myself

Our (WC) water closet has been leaking. Leaking enough to warrant replacement. But we are not in a hurry. We are not interested in  sit down toilets any more.

The word is hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids is the devil,

We were in the living room, talking about poop for hours. Akashi, our good friend, who is bunking with us for a minute, and her girlfriend Kai are preparing to go to Jamaica in a few weeks, where they will enjoy the natural pleasures of pooping in the great outdoors, forget outhouses! They will be in the bunduz somewhere in Portland.

Akashi was telling us about how she not only squats, but pops legs back and forth in eccentric yoga-like postures, during transmission. Bomboclat! She is a big girl too.

Apparently, egestion occurs most efficiently when we are either standing up, or squatting, but not bent over on a ceramic throne, the civilized way. In fact, sitting down has been shown to be a

significant cause and exacerbating factor for pre-existing hemorrhoids,  since it forces the body to strain tremendously to discharge bowel movements.

Repeat, Hemorrhoids is the devil.
Again.

"It comes out like a long snake!" Akashi celebrated. We celebrated. And then shared the lewdest poopy anecdotes we had.

I learned from watching Dr. Oz, that there are actual poop charts on what's healthy and what isn't.  That how your poop SOUNDS, looks and of course smells,  will tell you a lot about how your body is doing.


We are all about health and wellness up in here!


Mr. Man has resolved to PLD- Pop Lock n Drop in the basement, where he can not only squat, but compost it.

This is not novel in Detroit. It is not novel among communities of young folk who are into this off-the-grid living business. Like us.

I know at least 4 other folks in our friends circle who are actively composting their poop. It takes much longer for the compost to be viable for use on the land, but it makes pretty good compost, when it is done, so why not?!

I am not ready for that though.

I will squat, no problem.

Once we replace this here ceramic throne with a squatting pan, and a nice spigot to wash things off.
No more WC. No more toilet paper expenses and no more hemorrhoids

So far it seems we will have to call Larry Doo-wop  up the street, tear this muther apart ourselves and DIY with some cheap home depot supplies, broken tiles and grout.

All we need is a hole in the floor. Gravity will do the rest.

If I deuces so myself.