Dear Lupita

With a little over $1000 mostly gifted, host families I either searched out on couchsurfing, facebook, or was connected to by friends, I took a month long journey down south, hoping that I would return surefooted about my next career move.

I was with my one and a half-year old baby, Achieng, and we bused down sometimes 20hours straight city to city, firstly to Chicago, then to Dallas, Houston, and NEW ORLEANS.

Among so many other things, I was done with Detroit winter, the crippling and xenophobic nature of US immigration processes, post-undergrad stress disorder, stay at home mother stress disorder and miss my mum in Kenya stress disorder. Because my student visa was expired, I couldn't go back to Nairobi, but I still had to get away.

I missed the brunt of Michigan Wintergeddon, feasted on sunshine, the warmth and love of strangers-turned friends, and the vibrance of New Orleans living.
I told people all the way down south, you know what, I want to be Oprah. Why you here? Trying to figure out how I'mma be the next Oprah Winfrey.
I want to make a living talking to people about everything. About life. About Pain. About Pleasures. Politricks. Transcendence....

I want to be Maya Angelou. Why you here? Trying to figure out how I'mma be the next Maya Angelou.
I want to be Tracy Chapman.
I want to be Nina Simone.
I want to be Thandiswa Mazwai.
I want to be Simphiwe Dana.
I want to be India Arie.
I want to be Bill Maher.
I want to be Sauti Sol and Just a Band.
I want to be Wangari Maathai.
I want to be Steve Biko.
I want to be Boniface Mwangi.
I want to be Benazir Bhutto.

I want to be human.

I want to dabble in the beautiful things in life. Music. Color. Fiery Activism. Love. Magic.

I digress.
I wasn't fixin to write that whole list, but hey.
It is painfully difficult and paralyzing.

Folks who live up north all their lives are out of their mind. I know that for sure though.

I watched your speech, at the Massachusetts Conference for Women, this morning.

I surrender.

I am tired of living in aspiration.

I am not "giving up", or shutting down my desires.

I have written them, shouted them, worried them, wondered them, cried them, shared them, prayed them, and now I am throwing them in the wind.

Maybe I am where I need to be right now.

Maybe the timeline in my imagination is wrong.

Maybe, I already am all of those things, those people, those aspirations.

Maybe, I am ok.

Maybe, I need to be present in now.

Maybe, the magic is here now.

Here with all these uncertainties.

Here on this page.

Here in my hands.

Here on the land we farm.

Here among our friends.

Here in Detroit.

Maybe because of this deathly cold even.

I wanted to give you a hug.
Listening to you.

I thank you.

I hope we will get to meet and vibe someday.
Some place simple and homely,
Maybe even here in our lil ol ruggedy farmhouse.

I will be sure to get it cleaned up first though.



See LUPITA SPEECH here: https://youtu.be/_LKpTHa2VoU